Preparation

[Chelz]

My boyfriend and I have been together for about one year.  For two and a half years prior he was one of my very good friends.  We've been on a long journey together, one that we have considered very carefully, and we've grown a lot together as a couple.

We are not engaged, but we have decided we'd like to marry.  We're not sure when that will be yet, as we feel neither of us is ready for marriage at this stage, but what we have decided to do is to start preparing for it. 

What I am here to ask is, can anyone give me advice on what it means to be a Godly wife?  I guess I am unsure of how I'll know when I'm ready to be one, because right now I'm confused about what a wife actually IS so I don't know what I need to work on within myself.

If anyone could recommend any great books, or personal testimonies, or bible passages or websites or anything, it'd be greatly appreciated.

Thank you~

[Preacherman]

to throw a battery of scriptures at you....

it would do you good to read each chapter that the scriptures appear in.i know it seems like a lot but it is actually not.

i will give you a peice of advice, put God FIRST and things will follow in place after words.


Gen 2:24  Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Pro 18:22  Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the LORD.

1Co 7:2  Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
1Co 7:3  Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
1Co 7:4  The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
1Co 7:5  Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

1Co 7:10  And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
1Co 7:11  But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

Pro 12:4  A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.

Pro 31:11  The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.


Pro 31:10  Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
Pro 31:11  The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
Pro 31:12  She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
Pro 31:13  She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
Pro 31:14  She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
Pro 31:15  She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
Pro 31:16  She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
Pro 31:17  She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
Pro 31:18  She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
Pro 31:19  She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
Pro 31:20  She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
Pro 31:21  She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
Pro 31:22  She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
Pro 31:23  Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
Pro 31:24  She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
Pro 31:25  Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
Pro 31:26  She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
Pro 31:27  She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
Pro 31:28  Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
Pro 31:29  Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
Pro 31:30  Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
Pro 31:31  Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.


Eph 5:23  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body.

1Ti 3:11  Even so must their wives be grave, not slanderers, sober, faithful in all things.

1Pe 3:1  Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
1Pe 3:2  While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
1Pe 3:3  Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
1Pe 3:4  But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
1Pe 3:5  For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
1Pe 3:6  Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
1Pe 3:7  Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
1Pe 3:8  Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:
1Pe 3:9  Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.

[Chris K]

There's a quote one of my female friends told me that I really liked. 

"A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her."

Sure there's some things in the Bible that talk about how to be a godly wife, but I think the most important is that you not love your husband the most-- it's that you love God most.  The same should go for the husband.  When the whole relationship is in terms of your relationship to God, (which isn't to say that there should be no romance!) it's very difficult for sin to remain in the relationship anywhere.

One more thing that goes without saying, but since you didn't address it specifically, and because it tends to be a large problem nowadays is purity and intimacy.  If you and your fiancee'/husband-to-be haven't kept yourselves pure before God,  you should immediately repent, and stop committing sin.  if you two are pure (and I'm getting the impression that you are) then that's great!

if you didn't quite notice, Proverbs 31 is a pretty famous chapter on the qualities of a good wife, I suggest you look it up in its entirety.

I wish all the best for you and your boyfriend!

[ddddyyyy]

I agree with Chelz



 

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[Chelz]

Thank you for the help and suggestions given.  Yes, we have remained pure in our relationship.  We will continue to seek God in what we do.

[Hakkiri]

hi chelz.

i'm not going to get married anytime soon nor have i been in any serious relationship before, but based on what i've observed, you may have to prepare to be committed to your husband even when you don't see things eye to eye with him.

things might be mostly swell right now, but after marriage, things change. it's a lot of hard work--it requires tons of communication (e.g. openness, honesty, patience, etc.), deeply understanding each other [or at least, trying to], and above all...really learning to just love God first.

it's definitely not easy..and i don't think those things are something you will ever be fully "ready" for, but if you have the character to persevere...and you fully identify how much God loves you that you are able to also give love away unconditionally, then yeah, start plannin'!

[Danielle]

I am married and have been for five years now and still learning to appreciate the holy union and commitment that marriage is. For it is not just a promise made between a man and woman unto one another to love and honor each other. It is a promise to God too. A lifetime commitment that sadly, is taken for granted in this day and age.

An excellent site with some scripture in relation to this topic is: http://www.wedding-references.com/bible.htm

It entails some quality scripture on the roles of both spouses.

[Preacherman]

married 12 years and counting. and my wife and i are still learning.....

[Chris K]

There's seems like there's a good deal more advice on how women should prepare for marriage than men.  Are there any specific verses for men who are looking to prepare themselves for marriage as well?

[Danielle]

There's seems like there's a good deal more advice on how women should prepare for marriage than men.  Are there any specific verses for men who are looking to prepare themselves for marriage as well?

You bet! There is scripture that mentions of how men are to treat their wives. One in particular stating that men are to love their wives as Christ did the church.

[Chris K]

Yeah, but there's a whole chapter of stuff for wives, but only 1 verse for husbands? (and there's even a corresponding section for wives in that part too..)

[DaveM]

Married 29 years and still learning. I don't think you ever stop learning, or maybe that is part of the problem now days with so many broken marriages, at some point the couples are no longer willing to learn.

[Philip]

wow thanks for that wonderful insight Bro. David
*nose bleeds from the battery of passages by preacherman
but hey it really is a big help having hard foundational truths from bible passages
thanks bro XD

[Jesse 58]

   I don't remember where I first read this statement but thought it was good to repeat.   It's very fitting for those who are thinking of getting married or just in a relationship, followed by suggested readings.

  REMEMBER:    “The kind of man a woman wants to give her life to, is one who will respect her dignity, who will honor her like the valuable treasure she is.

A REAL man will not attempt to rip her precious pearl from it's protective shell, or persuade her with charm to give away her treasure prematurely, but he will wait patiently until she willingly gives him the prize of her heart.

A REAL man will cherish and care for that prize forever.”
(Author unknown)

                                   ………………………………
…
Suggested reading…                                           
“And The Bride Wore White”   
By…                                                           
Dannah Gresh -
Author and retreat speaker.
…

Lies Young Women Believe   (book)
http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/
   
 

[Lea Moja]

Wow. I remember being so ideal about being a Godly Wife.

Yep. I prepared myself ever since I felt that I would like to get married with a guy. But then later I found myself surprised that my "God's will" came sooner than
I thought. Haha!

But it's still good to be prepared.

By the way, enjoying friends is also part of the preparation.